Parenting, You’re Doing it Wrong….

Have you ever turned to the “experts” for some parenting advice?? If you have, I’m sorry. If not, let me save you some trouble; you’re doing it wrong. Whatever you’re doing, it’s wrong

If you breast feed, your baby will always be attached to you, you’ll never sleep again, and your kid will probably be a pervert if you do it for long enough. If you formula feed, you’re poisoning your baby. If you make your own formula, like me, you’re a crazy tree hugging, conspiracy theory hippie, and your baby is going to die from this crazy concoction.

If you co sleep, you’re going to roll over in the middle of the night while you are sleeping and smother your baby. If you don’t, your baby will grow up with abandonment issues and probably be a serial killer.

If you cloth diaper, you are some tree hugging hippie, whose laundry will have traces of poop in it from this day forward. (After all, if your washing machine is full of feces, your laundry will be full of feces…..) If you use disposable diapers, you are slowly poisoning your baby with toxins that are being absorbed through their delicate skin.

If you use a pacifier, your baby will have messed up teeth and you will never be able to break them of that habit, ever. If you don’t use a pacifier, you are denying your baby comfort, you big meanie.

If you sleep train, you are going to be stuck reliving the same day over and over and over again, while you plan your life around your baby’s sleeping habits. If you don’t, you will never sleep again.

If you let your baby cry it out, you are a horrible, mean person, and your baby will feed abandoned and unloved. (Future serial killer??) If you don’t, you will be at your spoiled child’s beck and call for the rest of your life.

If you vaccinate your baby, they are going to get some medical disorder later in life. If you don’t, you must not love your baby and want your baby to die from some disease.

Now, obviously, I’m being funny here (or at least trying to be), but the point is that there are no definitive answers. There are no how to manuals, and no guide lines, but there are PLENTY of people who will have no problem telling you that you’re doing it wrong. So, trust your instincts. Do what you are comfortable with, and what you feel is best. (As long as it’s legal, of course…..) You are that child’s parent. You know them better than anyone else does. And while I’m dolling out words of wisdom, (because being a mom for 7 months makes me qualified to do that, after all), enjoy it. Laugh about it, because it will all be over much sooner than you are ready for.

 

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